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[22 Apr 2006|09:56am] |
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well.. last night was probably the hardest night of my life. rip mary jane calvert.
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[19 Apr 2005|07:18pm] |
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So today I had an epiphany.. And that dawning of reality was that every so often we hit a fork in this path of misdirection that we walk down for what seems to be ever.. And when we hit this fork we are left with 2 options, there’s option a, take the long way and avoid getting lost.. avoid any chance of mishap, confusion, denial.. Pain, suffering, regret sorrow sadness and or despair.. And as appealing as that may come off to seem.. This road is long, tedious, and quite dreary.. but it leads you to a road that you can understand. But then, there’s option b, and option b is taking the road that although causes a lot more mishap and suffering, or can for that matter.. it is still the road most traveled.. it’s the weirdest thing, this road is full of tricks, traps and metaphorical thievery, on this road your bound to hear things that discourage you, that tempt you to turn around, or find an easy way out.. but what a lot of people don’t know about option b is it’s a gamble, this option isn’t a definite road to denial and melancholy.. Some people do make it on this road, and those that do make it understand that and appreciate the simpler things in life.. they find something and hold onto it despite what anybody says or does to try to take it away.. they attach themselves to what seems to be pure utopia.. and you know what.. it isn’t always a matter of what seems to be.. Sometimes.. for the first time what seems to good to be true, isn’t… although I came to this epiphany, im still confused as to which option is the ‘right’ option, is there one?
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[09 Jan 2005|07:44am] |
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oh yeah.. one more thing.. where da fuckign suicide at. or da fuckin bunnnng
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[09 Jan 2005|07:32am] |
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so this is a worthy update i guess.. fuck i hate life and i mean that in every given extent.. today.. me chr1s.. chr3s.. karissa.. and dom went to the to mall on what was suppose to be a job hunt.. well that was fuckin stupid so we left and i dropped dom off at his car and i followed him back to karissas.. well when we pulled onto her street this fucking green mini van cut us off going all fast.. we thought it was jus some raged soccer mom or dad or some shit.. didnt think nething of it.. so i drop karissa off whateva.. and i go to turn around at the end of the coldisac.. well theres dom.. out of his car.. with a couple guys with fucking m16's n shit out.. and the green mini van has flashing lights.. i guess it was some unmarked car adn they pulled dom over for theft or something i dono.. well they made me pull over cause they said i was with him even though i had nothing to do with nething right on.. so me chris n chris get out of the car.. shits coo whatever they search my car talk to us tell us they are letting us go.. then as we are leaving they are like oh wait let us clear u.. so we give em our IDs back.. then bam.. oh chris calvert has a warrent..oh did i mention i had a fucking pipe in my pocket.. so as im sitting there handcuffed on the curb im like dude chr1s take the pipe out of my pocket when the cops wernt looking.. he did and that was coo thank fuckign god. so thats fucking tight.. they handcuff me and put me in the car with dom.. take us to the moorpark police station.. we are there for a bit.. then they take us down to county in ventura.. jail fucking sucks dont ever go.. the food is shitty.. i laid on a cement floor sorrounded by tweakers and fucked up shit heads.. and froze my ass off not to mention for fucking hours.. i got there around 5ish.. didnt get home till 530 in the morning.. but on the brighter side of things.. i went in with not a dime on me.. i kno i had no cash and i knew this because when ur poor u know ur poor.. well when i left they claim i had 10 bucks on me and gave me 10 dollars.. right on.. but fuck that that isint shit in comparison to what i jus went through.. fuck the system.
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| thanks.. |
[14 Nov 2004|06:04am] |
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id like to thank all the people i invited to the bbq.. for my birthday.. who said they were gona be there time and time agian and then wernt there.. i invited about.. 40 people.. and the ones who made it are.. curt, chr2s, n2ck, sarah, crystal, lea, tommy, alex, then later on jamie and clarissa.. so big thank you goes out to everyone else.
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| heh.. the worst weekend of my lfie |
[01 Nov 2004|08:02am] |
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first update in a while.. here it goes.. this weekend.. fuckign sucked.. fuck holloween.. fuck santa barbara.. fuck evreything.. fuck cops.. friday morning.. on the way to work i get pulled over randomly for no reason.. for doing 30 in a 35 however that works.. i get a ticket for registration.. no ID on me.., having a fake ID in my car (mistameaner on the permanent record now.. tight).. and no proof of insruance.. so whatever i get over that and go to work.. that night we go to kendels party.. that was tight.. fun night good times.. saturday we have this amazing idea to go to IV.. all these people are down to go.. we are going to get a hotel and everything everything is looking good.. so we make the reservations and get everybody together and head to santa barbara.. we get to the hotel and all of a sudden nobody wants to pay.. they all play dumb and decide that they dont want the hotel anymore..well unfourtanatley it isint that easy for me.. seeing as how the reservations were made after 6 that means there is no canceling them.. and seeing as how it was on my aunts credit card.. it had to be paid.. so me and n2ck spent all of the fucking cash we had on gettin gthis room.. leaving us no money for alcohol.. so we get to DP.. what a waiste of fucking time.. never found one drop of alcohol.. and had to walk a fucking hour in a half or so to get there.. and back. so fuck that night.. we ended up going back to the hotel and crashing out.. chrissie and lea left in the middle of the night adn somehow they ended up having a good night while we ended up hating life.. so anyways the next morning we go pick up lea n chrissie from DP agian.. drive home.. we decide fuck it we are going back sunday night and nothing is going to fuck it up.. so we start planning.. evreything is going fuckin great.. get gas money.. get bud.. get money for alcohol.. everyone is going its perfect.. so we go up there.. and pull into a parking lot. now with us in the parking lot is.. me.. chrissie.. crystal.. lea.. n2ck.. chr1s.. sarah.. curt.. chris B.. mike hewitt.. a handle of southern comfort.. 2 6 packs of smirnoff ice.. 6 mickeys 40 things or whatever the fuck they were.. and an 8th of creep (good herb) everyone starts slamming their drinks and smoking bowls because we were like fuck this we are going already fucked up sp we dont have to worry about finding alcohol adn all that shit once we get there.. so we start to walk to dp all drunk and shit.. and i had this great idea of bringing the rest of the soco with me under my sweatshirt.. so we get to dp and theres all these cops.. im drunk and high as fuck so i panic and put the soco down behind a car pretending to fix my shoe.. well the cops saw it.. i got a pocession of alcohol as a minor.. while i was getting in trouble everyone else just kept walking.. i ended up loosing everybody so i walked back to the car.. on the way back a few guys were fucking with my car being dicks.. got in a fight.. got the shit kicked out of me.. not to bad but what the fuck.. so i go to sleep in my car.. hoping that eveyrone will find me when they come back.. well the didnt.. i wake up at 430 in the morning and realize im on empty.. so i drive to my ex girlfriends house and bum 10 bucks for gas (she lives in SB).. well.. this weekend fuckign sucked.. and i for sure hate my life
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[03 Oct 2004|10:00pm] |
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fun weekend.. friday was bahd as fuck at davids dads however odds are we wont be going back there netime soon.. sorry agian david.. curt smoked herbal remidies for his first time.. kidna bahd.. next is heroin coke pcp u name it.. curts now a full blown drug addict, and fuck you sarah for making us walk so far lol.. holy shit i was so drunk and high that i didnt even realize we walked from nearly the freeway to fucking chrissies house and back.. as for you andy.. go be a bad faker, and for shawn, sean or however the fuck you spell ur name, if ud like ill redraw that hotdog in the circle for ya. saturday was coo as fuck as well.. went to curts brothers, david smoked probably about 12 bowls of amazing marijuana, and drank about 10 beers only to find himself in statue mode, a little gargoylish, soon after he came out of the statue coma he owned curts brothers couch and him self with a good gallon or so of puke.. fucking gross man but u were definitely in a good place and i envy u for that.. wish i were with ya.. heh
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| ihml |
[29 Sep 2004|11:41pm] |
so.. tonight i got lectured for hours from my raging alcoholic father.. im so over life its ridiculous.. its an amazing thing when ur father has the power to make u feel so shitty as a person that ud rather kill ur self then let him finish his sentence.. go be a raged alcoholic trying to live vicariously though your son because when u drink u come to the realization that ur the piece of shit of the family that lives in a mobile home in lancaster, is engaged to a fucking disgusting display of humanity, not to mention has 4 kids that closely resemble lucifer, and a house that smells like cat piss.. fesis.. ciggerettes and liqour.. and then tell me that i have responsibility issues, i dont understand the way things work.. then he started explaing something to me that i need to burst out of my bubble or something.. what the fuck man? i dono if thats some sort of drunked lingo that i wouldnt understand unless i was on his level? the guys fucking wierd.. anyways fuck him.. im over it.. IHML FOR DAMN SURE now here aer some new pics.. tell me what the fuck u think.  
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| eh.. |
[26 Sep 2004|11:13am] |
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i think im done posting in this lj shit.. no one even reads it rofl. LAME. LATE.
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| last night |
[25 Sep 2004|03:06pm] |
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last night started off kinda shitty.. drove around forever looking for something to do with me.. chr1s..curt..karissa.. chrissie.. lea..sarah and krystal.. had 2 30 packs of coors light.. some redbull and vodka in an icechest in mi car.. didnt find shit.. so lea, karissa, chrissie and krystal went home.. then me chr1s sarah and curt went to his brothers house in ventura and we got FUCKED up.. hookah.. beer and double shots is where its at.. after that the night was pretty swell.. curts brother is SO Bahd. whats the adventure for tonighhhhhht ;p
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| NAH. |
[23 Sep 2004|09:51pm] |
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stop stampeding in and out of conflicting directions.. no matter which way im flowing im always perched in the wrong trend.. decide tonight if this is for me.. for me please. How can you beat a game your meant to lose at.. id fancy monopoly but ive been handed life. If it wasn’t so dark maybe id have an idea of the way the door opened.. rather then the way it closed.. im outside looking in wondering if anyone can hear me.. if anyone cares to know the sense of unseen understanding.. I recognize in a sense that in a world of black and white id still see no colors.. and in a world of colors id still live in shades.. lights reflecting from my head to my toes asking me if this is what I want to do.. I have no answerssss its insane.. ive given up all optimism of consciousness.. mine is SUB.
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| ehH |
[23 Sep 2004|09:42pm] |
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mood |
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 mellow |
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music |
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aunts in bed.. NO MUSIC. |
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today was odd.. went to santa barbara.. say mi ex g/f danielle n got mi hookah back.. long ass adventure though.. went to sarahs.. and that was bout it.. shits odd latley.. no matter what im doing im over it.. need something new in life.. a new piece to mi unfinished puzzle.. is it you?
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[22 Sep 2004|10:21pm] |
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mood |
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creative |
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i wish. |
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if u were swimming with me then u'd understand.. meaning confused with destiny lets go of control to crash into a whole different life.. in this life the questions that surround the darkness in and outside of our heads is welcomed with poison arms and bitter hands, i cant accept what isint mine, that why your friendship is pushed off of reason. my time ticks slower then a broken clock, with no meaning and now direction, im crashing in a downward spiral counter clockwise to nothing, the only togetherness known is going nowhere fast, creeping through lost dreams with subconcious fears of security that isint there.. an insurance to guide me into the backwards movement of time or something like it.. time is of an essence.. when tomorrow is today.. time is never ending.. its like a big cycle.. leading back to this swimming pool of ideas and unreasoning suggestions, i suggest we stop thinking and start breathing, because nows the time to start living.. but me.. ive already died.
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| eh |
[22 Sep 2004|07:12pm] |
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boring day kinda.. woke up to n1ck n n2ck coming in mi house.. chilled.. had a morning session of hookah.. kinda bahd.. made a feast.. bahd little toasty n some pasta.. cleaned the kitchen.. later we met up with everyone at subway.. went to sarahs with n1ck.. n2ck.. chr1s.. karissa.. chrissie.. kyrstal.. curt and sarah.. smoked hookah.. mary is unhappy with us.. sad news. LITTLE CEASERS 5 DOLLAR LARGE PIZZAS<3 </antelope3
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[20 Sep 2004|11:39pm] |
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so this is mi livejournal.. hmmm thankssss karissa for doing it for me <3.. i jus ate 2 double doubles from in n out cause im a fat disgusting piece of shit.. drama with the family todayyy but fuck it.. i still love em all jus the same.. <3sarah,lea,curt,chr1s,n2ck,krystal and chrissie. late. oh andi need a job.. someone get me a job.. and a new keyboard.. mi space bar sticks.
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| where am i.. |
[20 Sep 2004|11:47am] |
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this is mi first i think.. leme kno whats up?
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